wow that boy who let you tear your body apart did not love you i’m going to tell myself this every day
that no matter how close you get
you still cannot occupy the same
space as them
I think of the nights we wasted
pressing our skin against each
other so hard that we bruised
I think it can’t be true
that the closest I’ll ever be to you
is beside you
it is not enough
I hold my hand to your
and watch it float on the calm
waves of your breath
There is not enough time
to love you the way that I want to
the universe may expand infinitely
but I am not allowed that same
I cannot become the sky.
You ask me what I’m thinking
and if it hurts
I say nothing
you ask me again if it hurts
1. When a boy who leaves goosebumps on every inch of your skin tries to play you his favorite song, don’t let him. He’ll get it stuck in your head and under your fingertips and when he leaves, you won’t be able to listen to it without feeling like you’re choking.
2. Don’t let him touch you all over no matter how much you want to feel him against you. Leave a few spots untouched so that when you’re sleeping alone again, at least your left wrist and an inch of your right hip won’t sting with the remaining burn of his mouth.
3. Don’t let him break your ribs.
4. Don’t watch the sunset with him. He’ll poison it. You won’t be able to look at the sky without swallowing a mouthful of him.
5. Don’t mistake wasps for butterflies. Sometimes when you feel your stomach flutter and your hands start to shake it’s pain, not love.
6. Just because he tells you he loves you doesn’t mean he’s going to stay.
7. It’s okay to delete his number after he kisses the pretty girl he met when he was drunk. It’s okay to leave when he hurts you. You don’t have to keep falling into him.
8. When he tells you that you’re beautiful, try to remember that you were beautiful before him too.
9. Just because he reads and smokes cigarettes and talks about the stars doesn’t mean he’s your soulmate.
10. After you kiss him, remember to wash your mouth out right away so he doesn’t burn into your tongue.
11. He’ll kiss you in the rain and take you to little coffee shops. He’ll brush your hair out of your eyes and kiss your nose. He’ll grab your waist and whisper in your ear but six months later you’ll find yourself drunk texting him that you miss him and he won’t respond.
12. Your heart is going to break a million times. It’s going to feel like the world is falling apart around you. Your lungs will stop working some nights. You find yourself grabbing at your bones trying to hold yourself together. You’re going to feel like you’re dying. It’s going to be okay. You’ll find someone else to kiss you goodnight."
Maybe, if he’d given himself the chance to? I’m not so sure anymore. You know when people leave, you sort of begin to doubt anything that they did with you. You forget that they cared at all and begin to think “maybe I just made it all up in my head.” Thoughts are absolutely awful like that. Whatever the case, he was too scared to give us a beginning so he tucked tail and ran.
It’s 1:18am and I am so sad.
love is big lines
love is terrible aches
love is tall people with their heads down
or the smell of something burning
my eyes tracing a line through the air
love is two deep claw marks in a cloud
a very wide pool of motor oil
a bunch of colors, all of them black
love is you and me swelling like sea lions
or two citrus fruits
rinds set to pop, navels swaying, juice in the corner
go ahead, lick the tip, blow a kiss
crash your plane
love is you in a doorway asking me to leave
love is okay, i’ll go soon
love is you’re right, i’ll go now